Yes I believe in love ( depends on the day). I'm very liberal in my opinion except when it comes to abortion ( I'll save that for another day). I'm also very religious. Even though I was raised Catholic, and am a practicing one. I consider myself very open to the ideas, and posibilities of other religions, cultures, and ways. I know my relationship with God, and it's mine alone. There is not a book on this planet that can define and put my as a model for how to be a good, perfect Christian. I'm sure you are wondering where this is going. Well let me just start out saying. My Christian laws don't follow my man ( government ) laws. I get it, I understand it. If you don't I think there is some miscommunication between the part that says sepereation of church and state. Yes, somethings are bound to overlap, while others never need to even be thought about in the same sentance. I want to congradulate the states that have made it possible for 2 people regardless of gender who love one another get married. I am fully and very aware of my Church's stance on the situtation. I disagree with them, and I'm ok with it. They aren't killing anyone, harming anyone, or hindering anyone. So why does someone else's love for another have anything to do with you.
Instead of keeping people who ACTUALLY love and care about one another, how about we work on making sure people are actually meant to be together. The divorce rate in the country makes me want to vomit in my mouth. The symbol for it, is suppose to be the ring, uniting two wholes into one, a nonending circle of love and all of that. In my head, its being treated more like a necklace. You can just unclasp it, and take it off when you get tired of it, or don't want it. I have a problem with religious people not allowing people of the same gender to marry who they want, but won't say a word about someone getting or wanting a divorce. I see no stones being thrown at them. Hell most of these hypocrites probably had premarital relationships as well. They don't want to talk about that. Its ok for the to have a past. ( even though you and I both know your past is also your current). These people just can't have a nice life of love.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Enough is enough
I'm going to vent on this one. It's a personal vent. Feel free to comment or post in response to what i have to say.
Any who, I've had enough. I've been a wet blanket for a long time, and I'm tired of it. I don't take up for myself enough. It's my fault I let it go on for this long. I let people walk all over me in the past, but I've had enough. I never let guys do me any kind of way, but I've let family and friends do it. I've let them say whatever they want, an treat me any kind of way. I just don't have the energy to care about pleasing other people anymore. Nothing will change unless I want it to. I'm going to stop caring about friendships that aren't their anymore, family members I've just grown apart from.
I've learned that you can't force relationships. It really doesn't matter how much history you have with a person, it can all go out the window one day. I'm a kind and gentle person. I can have a slight attitude sometimes, but it's not who I am. Most of the time instead of telling people how I really feel about something, I save face and say nothing. I let my insides burn, to keep other people from possibly feeling like crap. I do know however, for some people it doesn't matter if I told them how I really felt, that it would have much of a reaction from them anyway.
I've also learned it doesn't matter how much you are there for a person, you can still be placed on there back burner. I will not be neglected anymore. I do think its funny that a person can say and do me anything, but when I say something back, I'm the one with the problem, or somehow I'm disrespecting them. Am I mistaken, but didn't you just come at me. ha.
I'm going to stop breaking my own heart. I may but to much stock into some of my relationships, maybe I expect to much out of them. In one of my recent classes, the guest speaker noted that you should treat people how THEY want to be treat, not how you want to be treat. Well I'm going to stop treating how I want to be treated, because at the end of the day, I hardly ever get treated the way I want to.
Apparently ignore isn't the best tool to use. I'm not sure which one is better. Reacting gets you stooping to their lever, but apparently ignoring does to. So I guess pretending is the way to go. That's where I have the problem. I was always trying to save face, and kiss other people's asses, but at the end of the day it still got me no where except for most of the time at an even lower playing field. Everyone experiences life differently.
I've come to learn that while some people may have good intentions, they fail horribly at delivery. Myself included.
I'm not really sure where this is going, because like I said I'm venting. I just needed to breathe and get some other this off my chest. Sometimes I think that living on an island alone would do me tremendous justice.
By the way being nice doesn't get me a damn place, except walked over. Oh, you're so nice, um ok and what's next, nothing.
I'll be back with something more positive hopefully next time . Until then.
Any who, I've had enough. I've been a wet blanket for a long time, and I'm tired of it. I don't take up for myself enough. It's my fault I let it go on for this long. I let people walk all over me in the past, but I've had enough. I never let guys do me any kind of way, but I've let family and friends do it. I've let them say whatever they want, an treat me any kind of way. I just don't have the energy to care about pleasing other people anymore. Nothing will change unless I want it to. I'm going to stop caring about friendships that aren't their anymore, family members I've just grown apart from.
I've learned that you can't force relationships. It really doesn't matter how much history you have with a person, it can all go out the window one day. I'm a kind and gentle person. I can have a slight attitude sometimes, but it's not who I am. Most of the time instead of telling people how I really feel about something, I save face and say nothing. I let my insides burn, to keep other people from possibly feeling like crap. I do know however, for some people it doesn't matter if I told them how I really felt, that it would have much of a reaction from them anyway.
I've also learned it doesn't matter how much you are there for a person, you can still be placed on there back burner. I will not be neglected anymore. I do think its funny that a person can say and do me anything, but when I say something back, I'm the one with the problem, or somehow I'm disrespecting them. Am I mistaken, but didn't you just come at me. ha.
I'm going to stop breaking my own heart. I may but to much stock into some of my relationships, maybe I expect to much out of them. In one of my recent classes, the guest speaker noted that you should treat people how THEY want to be treat, not how you want to be treat. Well I'm going to stop treating how I want to be treated, because at the end of the day, I hardly ever get treated the way I want to.
Apparently ignore isn't the best tool to use. I'm not sure which one is better. Reacting gets you stooping to their lever, but apparently ignoring does to. So I guess pretending is the way to go. That's where I have the problem. I was always trying to save face, and kiss other people's asses, but at the end of the day it still got me no where except for most of the time at an even lower playing field. Everyone experiences life differently.
I've come to learn that while some people may have good intentions, they fail horribly at delivery. Myself included.
I'm not really sure where this is going, because like I said I'm venting. I just needed to breathe and get some other this off my chest. Sometimes I think that living on an island alone would do me tremendous justice.
By the way being nice doesn't get me a damn place, except walked over. Oh, you're so nice, um ok and what's next, nothing.
I'll be back with something more positive hopefully next time . Until then.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sofia, My Darlin'
On December 23rd, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I POAS and what do you know? Two lines appeared and I was shocked as can be. I guess it was the best Christmas present a mom could ask for. Even though I saw those two lines, I still didn't believe it.
I wanted to make sure everything was started early this time. I had a miscarriage in late September, early October of 2010. It broke my heart so bad, and was truly the worst time in my life. I never knew I could be so attached to something in such a short period of time, but I had been. I'd lost it, and I would never get to meet that baby on Earth. I loved it from the moment I found out. It wasn't just a clump of cells, it was apart of me. It was apart of Alex.
I made my first appointment. Soon after I went and they just talked to be, and checked me out. I started ( TMI WARNING )spotting the next week, I flipped out. I went in the next morning and the doctor check me out and said that my cervix, was just irritated. He squeezed me into an ultrasound anyway to make sure. I went in thinking I was around 9 weeks at this point. The ultrasound tech instantly said I wasn't anywhere 9 weeks and that I was more like 6 weeks. I turned blue, I just knew this wasn't happening to me again. I was 13 weeks last time when my uterus began expelling my child. She wiggled around some more and we learned that I was 7 weeks and 3 days, and what do you know. I heard little Sofia's heart beating away. She was pumping out a healthy 155 BPM. I instantly cried. I was so overwhelmed with joy, that I couldn't control myself.
The tech actually thought she saw a set of twin, but as you all know, there is only one. From that day on, I wanted to protect her from everything. I heard all that I needed to hear, and that was the heart. At around 8-10 weeks I began feeling the nausea, I could not even get out of bed I was feeling so sick. Lots of dry heaving, and nothing coming up. My head was spinning, smells were driving me crazy. My favorite foods became my worst enemy, and my favorite, Ice Cream, was a no go. I didn't even want it. I tried to force myself, it just wasn't happening! Then the throwing up started, I actually felt some relief from it. The dry heaving was stupid, and now I could actually get it out.
That didn't stop until after 20 weeks or so. At my 15 week appointment it took her a while to find the babies heart beating with the doppler, but we got it. I left all of my appointments a happy camper.
I'll be honest. I didn't really want to use the doctor's office. I wanted a midwife. I've done my research over the year, and I felt more comfortable going that route. After going to the doctor I just never felt comfortable with them. My doctor, just threw me to the side like old trash after the first 2 appointments, and sending me to the NP. That pretty much hurt. She was nice, but the wait was not worth the time spent in her office. I'd wait for over an hour just to be seen for 2 minutes.
My gender ultrasound was scheduled for my 19 week appointment. I had the feeling that this child growing inside my womb was a girl. I was right, My baby was a girl, and she was looking pretty healthy. I decided a few weeks earlier that I would go with my right mind, and I would have this baby via midwife. So after my 23 week appointment I officially made the switch to Sheridan at Garden Park.
Let me just tell you, I was totally caught off guard walking into the office. It wasn't very nice in the inside compared to that of Hattiesburg's office. The clients seemed very disshoveled among other things. The nurses had urine cups all lined up in the room in front of you, and that bathroom, well I'm not going to go into that. Well I met with Sheridan for the first time, and I instantly knew that I would love working with her. She talked to me forever, and answered any questions I had. I didn't feel rushed. Instead, I felt as though my birthing plan was going to go into action. We have a lot of the same goals as far as birthing my child. I was so happy we were/are on the same page.
So today I went in to take my glucose test with 4 other girls, 3 of which threw up and I passed mine with flying colors. At 11:15 I had an ultrasound. Sofia, was measuring a little ahead, and her legs were measuring 2 weeks ahead. YIKES I'm going to have a long baby girl, she also weighed 2 lbs and 7 oz
I wanted to make sure everything was started early this time. I had a miscarriage in late September, early October of 2010. It broke my heart so bad, and was truly the worst time in my life. I never knew I could be so attached to something in such a short period of time, but I had been. I'd lost it, and I would never get to meet that baby on Earth. I loved it from the moment I found out. It wasn't just a clump of cells, it was apart of me. It was apart of Alex.
I made my first appointment. Soon after I went and they just talked to be, and checked me out. I started ( TMI WARNING )spotting the next week, I flipped out. I went in the next morning and the doctor check me out and said that my cervix, was just irritated. He squeezed me into an ultrasound anyway to make sure. I went in thinking I was around 9 weeks at this point. The ultrasound tech instantly said I wasn't anywhere 9 weeks and that I was more like 6 weeks. I turned blue, I just knew this wasn't happening to me again. I was 13 weeks last time when my uterus began expelling my child. She wiggled around some more and we learned that I was 7 weeks and 3 days, and what do you know. I heard little Sofia's heart beating away. She was pumping out a healthy 155 BPM. I instantly cried. I was so overwhelmed with joy, that I couldn't control myself.
The tech actually thought she saw a set of twin, but as you all know, there is only one. From that day on, I wanted to protect her from everything. I heard all that I needed to hear, and that was the heart. At around 8-10 weeks I began feeling the nausea, I could not even get out of bed I was feeling so sick. Lots of dry heaving, and nothing coming up. My head was spinning, smells were driving me crazy. My favorite foods became my worst enemy, and my favorite, Ice Cream, was a no go. I didn't even want it. I tried to force myself, it just wasn't happening! Then the throwing up started, I actually felt some relief from it. The dry heaving was stupid, and now I could actually get it out.
That didn't stop until after 20 weeks or so. At my 15 week appointment it took her a while to find the babies heart beating with the doppler, but we got it. I left all of my appointments a happy camper.
I'll be honest. I didn't really want to use the doctor's office. I wanted a midwife. I've done my research over the year, and I felt more comfortable going that route. After going to the doctor I just never felt comfortable with them. My doctor, just threw me to the side like old trash after the first 2 appointments, and sending me to the NP. That pretty much hurt. She was nice, but the wait was not worth the time spent in her office. I'd wait for over an hour just to be seen for 2 minutes.
My gender ultrasound was scheduled for my 19 week appointment. I had the feeling that this child growing inside my womb was a girl. I was right, My baby was a girl, and she was looking pretty healthy. I decided a few weeks earlier that I would go with my right mind, and I would have this baby via midwife. So after my 23 week appointment I officially made the switch to Sheridan at Garden Park.
Let me just tell you, I was totally caught off guard walking into the office. It wasn't very nice in the inside compared to that of Hattiesburg's office. The clients seemed very disshoveled among other things. The nurses had urine cups all lined up in the room in front of you, and that bathroom, well I'm not going to go into that. Well I met with Sheridan for the first time, and I instantly knew that I would love working with her. She talked to me forever, and answered any questions I had. I didn't feel rushed. Instead, I felt as though my birthing plan was going to go into action. We have a lot of the same goals as far as birthing my child. I was so happy we were/are on the same page.
So today I went in to take my glucose test with 4 other girls, 3 of which threw up and I passed mine with flying colors. At 11:15 I had an ultrasound. Sofia, was measuring a little ahead, and her legs were measuring 2 weeks ahead. YIKES I'm going to have a long baby girl, she also weighed 2 lbs and 7 oz
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