The title says it all. In the wake of a recent loss someone I know just had and the anniversary of my loss, it's only right for me to talk about it....
I will never forget the day I took that pregnancy test and it read positive. It actually wasn't the test that told me I was pregnant wit Sofia, it was the one that informed me I was pregnant with my first child. It was last September early a Sunday morning. Alex had gone to get us lunch. Before he left he has asked if I was pregnant and I politely laughed. Yeah, right I thought. Seriously though. How could that even possibly happen. It actually wasn't the first time he had asked....
He come home from his deployment in Iraq July 15th. That was such a joyous day for me.I was thrilled to have my love back. Shortly afterwards we went to Texas to visit his family. Let's just say it was all around a fun time. :D I was super tired the entire time I was there, which I attributed to partying and staying up late at night. I was also super nauseous. My breast were uber tender, which again I had a reason for. I threw that off to me getting my period soon, which by the way never came. He asked me in Texas did I need to test, because I apparently had all the signs. Blah. I laughed.
....continue Anyway I took the test and and forgot about it. I went to the restroom and low and behold 2 lines I wasn't super sure what it meant, so I texted Shenika and Sondra the 2 lines. Shenika text back asking what it meant and I wasn't sure I was in shock that I had to look to make sure that 2 lines meant pregnant. Sure enough it did! AHHH scream and insert all the curese words possible. How on earth did this happen.
From that moment on I was thrilled and scared and everything else. I was so nervous trying to tell my mom. The next 5 weeks were amazing and awesome. A few weeks after /i woke up and I noticed a pinkness. I told my mom, she assured me not to worry, and stated she pretty much had her period the whole time she was pregnant with me.
I ended up going to the ER three time. The first time the doctor told me that he didn't see anything, but my levels were high an to come back in 2 days if my levels had doubled it looked viable. Friday morning I got up and went to the hospital, while my levels didn't double they went up a lot. The new ER doctor told me he didn't see why this wouldn't go on to be a healthy pregnancy. I was happy for the moment. Saturday happened and I was just trying to stay calm.
Sunday, my world just began to fall apart. Its was unraveling. I was losing way to much blood, and I just couldn't stop crying. We went to the Er again the doctor checked me and he said he didn't see any tissue, just clots so he was still hopeful. I had an ultrasound and had to wait a while only to be told that my levels had gone down and that my uterus was no longer holding the child it was filled with blood.
I was devastated. I never felt such hurt in my entire life. I was done for the next week. I felt totally empty inside. I can only describe the hurt I felt in measure to the amount of joy I felt hen Sofia was born.
I truly would never wish that kind of loss on anyone.
I will never forget the weeks the angel baby was growing inside me,
